


Between My Heartbeats (there's an image of you)

by quartzguts



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Kingdom Hearts III Spoilers, M/M, Memory Loss, Mutual Pining, Sort Of, demyx as the master of masters, i honestly dont know if this counts as hurt/comfort or not, its been like thousands of years luxus gonna forget some stuff, like theres hurt and some comfort but?? not enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 04:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18113159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartzguts/pseuds/quartzguts
Summary: Luxu and the Master reunite. It isn't as glorious as Luxu imagined, but he'll take what he can get.





	Between My Heartbeats (there's an image of you)

**Author's Note:**

> This ship makes me want to cry.  
> Slight warning for animal death I guess (basically passing reference to a Chirithy dying).

It's been a few days with his role, and Luxu is still bubbling with nervousness and anticipation. It feels like his whole life, he's had the Master watching over him, gently correcting his mistakes and guiding him forward. But the Master will be gone soon. In just a few days or weeks or months, he’ll disappear and Luxu will be on his own. His instructions are clear; he is to leave his companions alone to perform their roles. Luxu can't risk influencing their actions, nor can he be privy to any information from the Book of Prophecies. It's safer if he just cuts them off completely and watches from the edge of their world, keeping the Foretellers in his peripheral vision until the war is over and he goes off to fulfill his next task.

 

He's full of - doubt isn't the right word, because he could never doubt the Master - he's full of uncertainties. The sheer magnitude of the things he doesn't know are always on the verge of overwhelming him. He doesn't mention it to the Master, doesn't want to look unreliable, but of course he notices anyway.

 

One day, as Luxu is kneeling to clean up around one of the Master's labs - a prototype Chirithy died earlier, and made a huge mess of glittery goop that will definitely stain the wood floor - the Master places a hand on his head, holding him down in an awkward bow.

 

“Luxu,” he says, and he actually sounds serious for once, “may your heart be your guiding key. Chin up!” Then he grins (Luxu can't see his face but he just knows he's grinning) and marches out of the lab.

 

Luxu is left kneeling on the floor, gloved hands covered in spirit guts, and he shivers. The Master has just told him that he trusts him to make the right choices. To do what needs to be done for their endgame plan. He knows that the Master is manipulating him, just like he manipulates the others, but it doesn't matter. Luxu has always known the Master to be a selfish, horrible man. He just doesn't care.

 

The Master's belief in him is all he needs to move forward.

 

After what seems like forever, Luxu sets out with No Name and the box. The Master vanishes a few days later, and he knows exactly when it happens because he can hear the frantic calls of his fellow apprentices stretch over the world. He chuckles a little, despite knowing it's cruel to laugh. The Master told them he'd disappear. They should've believed him, like they believed everything else he ever told them.

 

Then the war splits their one world into many, and Kingdom Hearts falls from the sky. Thousands of children meet brutal ends at the hands of other children. Their keyblades adorn the cracked, barren ground that had once been the world of fairy tales.

 

Luxu can't help but cry a little when he sees the destruction. This was all necessary - the Master foresaw it, so it had to be - but it just seems a little _too_ much. A little too violent. After all, this isn't even the main event. It's only the opening act.

 

Luxu fixes the scattered keyblades so they're standing upright, marking the ground in roughly the spot where their wielders would have fallen. That was one of his tasks, too; ensure the graveyard would be preserved for the second war. When his work is done, he mutters a little prayer (may my heart be my guiding key, may my heart be my guiding key, may my heart-) and then carries on to find the surviving Dandelions so he can make an apprentice out of one of them.

 

After that's done, it's the waiting game. Days, months, years, decades - hell, even _centuries_ of waiting. Watching No Name pass from undeserving master to undeserving kid. Over time, Luxu starts to see _all_ the others as kids. When your heart is older than the worlds themselves, everyone else you meet is just a baby, no matter how old their bodies are.

 

When Xehanort, who doesn't really love darkness but at least desires its power, receives No Name he almost screams in relief. _Finally_. The Dark Master has come. Now the final stage of _his_ Master's plan can be put into action. It seems he'll have to get used to being called “Braig,” since that name will be his for a while.

 

Of course, Xehanort ruins this almost instantly by renaming him Xigbar. But that's fine. He can deal with it.

 

Despite everything, he'll still be Luxu til the end.

 

-

 

Demyx joins the Organization and there's something familiar about him. Xigbar can't quite place what it is, but everything from his personality to his mannerisms to his infinite uselessness gives him the most intense sense of deja vu he's ever had, and that's saying something. Over the years, he's figured out that there are only a few basic types of humans, and most people are derivatives of one another in some way. Everyone is after the same thing, in the end (power. It's always power). That means that pretty much everyone he meets seems like an old acquaintance. This is a different feeling, though. More intense. Xigbar knows he met Demyx's somebody before, but he can't for the life of him remember when it was.

 

He asks Demyx what his name used to be and gets a cocky smile and “don't really remember, you know?” as a response. Absolutely useless.

 

The Organization business is full of old faces. There's Xehanort - or rather, Terra - Dilan, Aeleus, Even, and Ienzo. He definitely remembers locking up Lea and Isa in the labs as subjects for the experiments. Demyx is the only one who puzzles him. After so many lives, with so many names and faces and worlds to memorize, he's started to forget things from way back when. He's not sure he remembers the Foretellers’ names anymore - he can recall their animal masks and that's really it, but he's sure everything'll come back to him once he sees them again. He can't remember exactly how the war started either, but hey, that was never really important to his role.

 

The only things he can recall with perfect clarity are the tasks the Master gave him. Protect the box. Bequeath No Name. Aid the Dark Master. Summon the Foretellers. Simple tasks to be accomplished over as many years as it took, one after the other. To be checked off the list in that exact order.

 

Luxu has not yet failed a single one of those tasks. He is nothing if not obedient.

 

Xigbar, however, has learned to take the initiative, and although his role at the moment is to help Xehanort ignite the second keyblade war and destroy the light, he has enough free time to try and uncover this little mystery. So he starts hanging around Demyx when he can.

 

Number IX is playing his sitar in the lobby when Xigbar strolls in and plops down next to him on the couch.

 

“That's a nice tune,” he asks casually. “Where'd you learn it?”

 

“Oh, I'm just making it up as I go along,” Demyx replies. The tempo changes slightly, to something slower, something softer. “Gotta go with the flow, yeah?”

 

“Like water,” Xigbar muses, and that earns him an excited “yeah!” before Demyx focuses on his music again.

 

They sit there in silence for a while. Demyx's melody fills up the room, lending a sense of elegance to the white walls and minimal furnishings. Xigbar thinks the dreary mood of the castle is improved immensely by the soft music. It's starting to look like Demyx will be useful after all, if only to boost the ambience of their home base.

 

Xigbar finds himself drifting off - less falling asleep and more falling into memories. Distant days filled with not quite innocence but not quite corruption, when the world was a lot gentler. His companions, pure in their singular dedication to their Master. Mislead by his poisonous words. Forced into starting the very war they were so desperate to prevent.

 

Then, Daybreak Town. He can't remember it very clearly. It was… purple? Yeah, weirdly purple, and full of light. Luxu used to love bathing in that soft glow of eternal morning. Xigbar isn't sure he'd be able to handle that kind of light now, with his heart cast in darkness.

 

And the Master….

 

Demyx's melody is getting quieter. Xigbar cracks open his eye to glance at him. The man - why does he get the feeling that this guy is as old as he is, not a kid despite his childish attitude - looks contemplative. His lips are pressed into a worried line, his eyes just slightly narrowed. Demyx must notice him staring because his expression relaxes into a careless smile.

 

“Can't think of a way to go on,” he explains as he strums a few discordant notes on his sitar. “I think I'm gonna hit the hay. Man, am I exhausted!”

 

“As if. You had one mission today and you didn't even finish it,” Xigbar says, but Demyx is already standing up and stretching. He shouts out a quick “goodnight!” as he leaves, sounding way too energetic for someone claiming to be tired.

 

Xigbar realizes with a start that he hasn't felt this peaceful in several lifetimes. Interesting.

 

-

 

The next time they see each other is a few days later. Demyx is sitting at the counter in one of the castle's kitchens, and Xigbar decides to join him for breakfast. It's still early enough that Saïx won't yell at them for not being out on their missions. Of course, Xigbar only knows what time it is because there's a clock on the wall. The sky is as inky black as ever.

 

He traded eternal morning for eternal night. He’s not exactly sure how he feels about it.

 

Demyx is eating a syrupy, goopy mess which Xigbar thinks was once pancakes. He grabs himself a plate of fruit and leans against the counter.

 

Demyx looks up at him and promptly opens his mouth, managing out a few syllables between his loud chewing.

 

“Eat with your mouth closed, sweetheart,” Xigbar chides as he takes a bite out of an orange slice.

 

Demyx swallows his mouthful so quickly that he starts coughing. Xigbar wonders vaguely how such a pathetic person could survive to adulthood as Demyx clears his throat and takes a long gulp of coffee.

 

He looks up again, grinning. There's syrup on his lips. “I said, good morning.”

 

“Morning,” Xigbar replies. “You'll rot your teeth with that much sugar.”

 

“What are you, my mom?” Demyx asks, a playful smile on his face. “Besides, the coffee's black, so it'll balance out.”

 

Xigbar shakes his head, laughing a little. It makes no sense. Not Demyx's words, or the fact that Xigbar feels this comfortable around him. “You drink your coffee black? What, pretending to be a grown up?” He makes sure to add a hint of genuine mockery to his tone, just because he isn't used to being nice, especially not to newbie Organization members.

 

“Ha!” Demyx takes another long drink. “Jokes on you. I'm what they call an old soul in a young body.” He gets up and deposits his plate (which still has a few chunks of half eaten pancakes on it, and boy is that a way to piss off Saïx) in the sink. Then he turns to look at Xigbar with an unnervingly familiar expression. “You're the same, right?”

 

It's fond. Affectionate. And just slightly condescending. Xigbar suddenly feels off-kilter, more than he has since his first life ages ago.

 

“Quit messing around, kiddo,” he drawls, because it's easier to adopt an attitude of nonchalance when he's unsure of his situation. “Get moving already. If you don't pick up your own slack, you might just get kicked out of the Organization.”

 

Demyx grins, and wow, because Xigbar is very aware of how pretty he is.

 

“Aww, that's boring,” Demyx says with a sing-song lilt to his voice. “Come on! We both know _you_ shouldn’t be bossing _me_ around.”

 

“Excuse me?” Xigbar says with a breathless laugh.

 

“Well, I guess it's fine,” Demyx continues, as if he hasn't heard him at all, “I could probably forgive you for anything.” Then he walks past Xigbar, hands clasped behind his head. “Better go and finish our missions, yeah? See you later!”

 

After Demyx leaves, Xigbar stands in the kitchen until Saïx comes in and irritably starts cleaning off the food-covered plates in the sink. He decides to go back to his room and think instead of finishing his missions for the day. Saïx hates that Xemnas will let him get away with almost anything, but that's just the perk of being the only one to know about Xehanort's plans. Xemnas doesn't want to risk alienating his only true ally.

 

Xigbar kicks off his boots, lays on his bed, and thinks. The way Demyx catches him off guard is unnerving. For the last several lifetimes, Xigbar has been running on autopilot, simply reacting to the situations around him instinctively. There are very few things that surprise him anymore. The level of uncertainty he feels when he's with Demyx is enough to shock him back to reality.

 

Xigbar decides he has to figure out who Demyx is, soon. Unfortunately, he hasn't put much effort into keeping up with his reports lately, so they probably won't be of any help. They’ve sat completely untouched under his bed since the Organization was founded. They’re all he has though, so he pulls the shoebox sized crate out from under the bed and takes out the most recent book of reports.

 

He doesn't write in the journals often, only about once a life just to make sure he doesn't forget anything too important. It shouldn't take more than a day to go through all of them.

 

He cracks open the journal and starts reading.

 

-

 

Xigbar wanders around the castle hours later, bored out of his mind, eyes still burning from all the reading he’d done earlier. All those pages, and not a single one contained any mention of meeting someone like Demyx. Granted, most of his entries were about his role or whoever was wielding No Name at that particular time, but still. The fact that he’d lived for all this time and hadn’t written down the _one_ _thing_ he can’t remember that ended up being important? Unbelievable.

 

Xigbar slows down. _Is_ this important? Sure, Demyx is a mystery, but it’s not like he could be relevant to Luxu’s role. Otherwise, the Master would have mentioned him. Even if Luxu hadn’t been allowed to read the Book of Prophecies, the Master made sure that he had all the knowledge he needed to accomplish his tasks. That’s part of why Xigbar’s reports are so haphazard; nothing in them could possibly be more important than what the Master had already told him.

 

Then again, Luxu’s reports back before the war had always been awful, too. But he’d had a great memory back then. No need to write something down when you’d remember it anyway.

 

Xigbar decides it doesn’t matter after all. He can spend some free time investigating Demyx until things start kicking off again, but if nothing comes of it, then whatever. His role is his highest priority in the end.

 

Over the next few weeks, he does his part as a senior member of the organization to acquaint Demyx to their lifestyle. He takes him on missions, eats late breakfasts with him, and listens to him play music in the lobby. Xigbar expects his interest to waver when they gain new members - especially since two of them are Lauriam and Elrena, and although he’d honestly forgotten about Ava’s precious little Dandelions, he gets a kick out of seeing them embracing the darkness.

 

They don’t attract his attention for long, though. After a little while of taking them out on missions (and isn’t it a relief that although neither of them can summon their keyblades anymore they still know how to fight, so he isn’t forced to babysit them), he finds himself pulled back into Demyx’s orbit. They talk about pointless things and laugh and play at having feelings. And when it’s designated nighttime, Xigbar will sometimes invite Demyx back to his room so he can fall asleep to the sound of his sitar. Those are the only nights he manages to sleep well, and he dreams of distant days from lives long past.

 

It’s during one of those nights that Demyx stops playing and asks if he can crawl into Xigbar’s bed.

 

“Little late for that, isn’t it, darling? We gotta be up early tomorrow,” he says just to be difficult, even though he knows exactly what Demyx means by the request.

 

“Very funny. Scoot over,” Demyx demands, but he’s pouting, so Xigbar just laughs. He does scoot over, though, and Demyx slides in next to him. Their gloves, boots, and cloaks are lying in a scattered heap on the floor. Xigbar thinks dubiously that if someone walked in they might be mistaken for lovers.

 

Demyx sighs heavily and presses up against Xigbar’s chest, nestling his head beneath his chin. He murmurs something quietly against Xigbar’s skin.

 

“What’s that?” he asks. The sensation of Demyx’s breath against the bare skin of his chest tickles.

 

Demyx doesn’t reply, but his breathing evens out. Whether he’s actually asleep or just pretending, Xigbar isn’t sure. The bed is small, and Demyx is almost sliding off, so he shifts them both back a little and pulls Demyx partially on top of him.

 

Demyx hums, and yep, he’s definitely still awake. His blue eyes (so blue, why’s it such a warm color?) flutter open and he gazes up at Xigbar strangely. Like he’s looking at something precious.

 

“Yeah?” Xigbar prompts again.

 

“It’s nothing,” Demyx murmurs, and then he drops his head against Xigbar’s chest and really does fall asleep.

 

Xigbar runs his fingers through Demyx’s hair and follows suit.

 

-

 

The Master has never gotten particularly attached to anything. There's nothing in the whole wide world he would choose over the future; events must happen exactly how he has seen them. No one could possibly be more important than the sanctity of the timeline. This is an absolute.

 

Luxu, though. He comes close.

 

Sweet, precious Luxu. The perfect choice for the arduous task of watching over No Name as it's passed down through history. Ira, Aced, Invi, and Gula are loyal, but they'd no doubt falter after a few dozen years of toil. Ava is too good hearted, a characteristic which makes her perfect for the crucial role of preserving light but also more likely to question his motives. No doubt she will figure out what is going on quickly. His hold over the others is too great, though. Even when war comes knocking on their door she will never be able to stop them from answering it.

 

Which leaves the most difficult role to Luxu. Luxu, who is loyal and attentive and sweet despite knowing the Master to be a cruel bastard. Luxu, who cleans up the leftover gore of his more brutal experiments without complaint. Who accepts not receiving the Book if it means accomplishing his task.

 

Maybe it's that level of devotion which makes the Master's heart ache. Maybe it's just the type of person Luxu is, to be able to weave his way into the hearts of others. Whatever the reason, every time the Master's heart beats Luxu comes to mind. An image of his beloved apprentice lives between each heartbeat, pressing against his ribs til he feels so full of emotion he might burst.

 

Sometimes the Master considers throwing away the future and taking Luxu far away, so they can live out their lives as ordinary people and grow old together. But that isn't possible. They'll live their lives and grow old (older than anyone else in all the worlds, really), but they won't do it together. And they won't do it peacefully, either.

 

Such a heavy burden to bear. But the Master knows Luxu can bear it. He'll be fine.

 

They both will.

 

-

 

A soft melody lilting through the halls brings Xigbar’s feet to a small meeting room. Demyx is inside, alone, perched at the edge of the meeting table. He’s gazing out at the black sky beyond the slightly dirty windows while plucking at the strings of his sitar.

 

He doesn’t seem to notice Xigbar come in. It would be funny to shock him - maybe the idiot would fall off the table? - but Xigbar decides to be nice for once. He taps his knuckles against the open door and says “knock, knock!” for effect.

 

Demyx isn’t surprised. He just turns around and says, “oh, hey,” then goes back to playing. The song is familiar, and Xigbar finds himself humming along as he goes to sit beside him. The black sky stretches out forever over the ruins of the Dark City; this room is on the Castle’s lowest floor, so he can see the tops of the skyscrapers. They’re illuminated by the pale glow of the false Kingdom Hearts. The light is sickly, a poor substitution of the real thing. Xigbar muses that the they are much the same; cheap imitations of the people they used to be.

 

He glances over at Demyx. His skin is pallor under the light, his blonde hair dull. Xigbar reaches out a hand to stroke through it. Demyx leans into the touch, the same way he leans into it when they’re alone in Xigbar’s room at night. Xigbar gets a funny feeling, like they’re not supposed to be this close, this intimate. It’s like they never should’ve met. Like they’re meant to be alone.

 

Xigbar’s breath hitches when it hits him. He’s such a fool. Tears well up in his eyes.

 

The Master turns to him. His sitar fades away in a sparkle of bluish light. “Something wrong?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

 

Luxu shakes his head. “No. It’s nothing,” he says, voice hoarse. The Master scoots closer to him and leans his head against his shoulder. Luxu takes a shaky breath as he looks out over the desolate city. “Nothing at all.”

 

-

 

A few thousand years after the war, the Master constructs a new identity and joins the Organization just to check up on Luxu. Make sure he's still doing alright with his role. He is, of course, but there's no harm in checking. It wouldn't do if his former apprentice had been broken by that idiot Dark Master before his task was over.

 

It's not because the Master misses him. It's not.

 

Really.


End file.
